Do I need guns/a rack to be popular?
Absolutely not. I know it seems like there is often a correlation between physical "attractiveness" and popularity. This is because society enforces artificial definitions of what being "popular" means, most of which are based on physical traits and superficialities. When it comes down to it, people are popular because of their personalities, and by no means do you need guns or a rack to have a pleasant personality :)
As a very important/related side note, check out this super helpful post if you're interested in learning more about body positivity.
As a very important/related side note, check out this super helpful post if you're interested in learning more about body positivity.
"Body positivity is a radical redefinition and reclamation of the body. It arose in response to a Western culture that recognizes only white, able-bodied, heterosexual, and thin bodies as worthy and beautiful...Rather than seeing the body as a problem and an imperfect object that must be modified, body positivity advocates fully inhabiting your body as it is, honoring and respecting all bodies, and resisting the ways in which our bodies are oppressed..."
Also this really nice comic:
How do you have a balanced social life with so much work?
Question of the century...It all comes down to time management, of course. For some people, this means allocating separate time slots for socializing and working, and adhering to them strictly. For others, it means working extra hard to make up for productivity lost because of social events. Some people choose to sacrifice one or the other, but I don't think this is necessary as long as you have a realistic idea of what you need to accomplish and how you can do it. Also, once you get into the older grades spares are really helpful in balancing social/work life. Finally, studying or doing homework with friends is a great way to socialize and be productive at the same time.
Does your grade ever stop hating each other and get along? |
Did drugs ever tempt you? At what age? |
I can only speak on behalf of the S5 grade, but hopefully some of these observations will be applicable to M3 as well.
In our grade there is no obvious "hate dynamic." Not everyone gets along perfectly, of course, but animosity doesn't exist on a grade-wide level and there's almost no conflict. We're really chill (perhaps too chill at times...) Maybe this is unique to the group of people, but I'd say that our positive grade dynamic took time to develop and is largely characterized by the bonding experiences we've undergone together, particularly the Alive Outdoors trips. As a result of these experiences, there are no longer any strictly delineated social boundaries in our grade, and although we obviously have distinct friend groups, everyone feels as if they belong to a greater whole and not just a smaller social unit within it. Again, I can't make any concrete statements because I'm not familiar with your unique grade dynamic, but give it time - I assure you it will improve from M3 to S6 - and take advantage of grade-wide trips and events because they provide valuable opportunities to build trust, forge new friendships, and learn about people from a more holistic and multidimensional perspective. |
Personally, I've never been tempted by drugs. This is partly due to the friend group I'm in. None of my friends have ever placed any pressure on me, and I generally tend to avoid gatherings that involve drug and/or alcohol abuse. But the main reason is that I've seen first hand the devastating effects drugs and alcohol have had on some of the people around me, be it on their physical health, friendships, family dynamic, and more. Even though drug use is often portrayed as "cool" or even "glamorous," the irreparable damage it has caused in the lives of people I love has discouraged me from ever trying them.
That being said, many people experience the temptation to do drugs, and it's completely normal if you feel the same way. However, it's very important to stop for a moment and reflect on your motivations and actions. Why do you feel the need to do this? What are some of the risks involved? Is it really "worth" it? In many cases peer pressure is a crucial factor. The best rule in any situation is that if something is making you uncomfortable or doubtful, don't do it. You know best what's good for you and no one else should be allowed to convince you otherwise. |
If your friends exclude you for no specific reason, what should you do?
Carolyn Bayley (S5) says...
At this age, it’s pretty normal for personalities to shift and friend groups to change around, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your friendship with these people is over. The basis of any healthy relationship is communication; it might be useful to ask your friends, either individually or as a group, if they mean to exclude you—maybe they don’t realize that they’re leaving you behind, or there’s something else that needs to be discussed.
However, I’d be lying if I said that friends don’t drift apart or that exclusion is never purposeful. If this is what’s happening to you, don’t worry. It might be hard to do, but this may be the time for you to reach out to other individuals and social circles that you connect with so you can make stronger bonds and get the support that you need. Try talking to people individually and use what you have in common to connect with them—you don’t know it yet, but you could be talking to another huge Broadway fan or comic book aficionado! It might also help to go to some clubs or extracurricular activities to seek out like-minded people. No matter what, know that you’re not alone in this and that with time you will end up with the group of friends that’s right for you.
At this age, it’s pretty normal for personalities to shift and friend groups to change around, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your friendship with these people is over. The basis of any healthy relationship is communication; it might be useful to ask your friends, either individually or as a group, if they mean to exclude you—maybe they don’t realize that they’re leaving you behind, or there’s something else that needs to be discussed.
However, I’d be lying if I said that friends don’t drift apart or that exclusion is never purposeful. If this is what’s happening to you, don’t worry. It might be hard to do, but this may be the time for you to reach out to other individuals and social circles that you connect with so you can make stronger bonds and get the support that you need. Try talking to people individually and use what you have in common to connect with them—you don’t know it yet, but you could be talking to another huge Broadway fan or comic book aficionado! It might also help to go to some clubs or extracurricular activities to seek out like-minded people. No matter what, know that you’re not alone in this and that with time you will end up with the group of friends that’s right for you.
Are there a lot more parties in S5/S6?Generally speaking, yes! Maybe twice a month, and more if you meet up with friends from outside of school. They can be fun for some people, but not so much for others. The important thing about parties is that you put the safety of yourself and others first before having a good time.
How do you know you can rely on people? How do you find people to rely on for support?
Sometimes it's hard to know when people really have your back, but generally, if someone is constantly coming to find you when you're by yourself, or doesn't stay mad at you for long, they're going to stick with you. From grades F1-M3, people's interests change and so do the people you hang out with, but you should always have someone who you feel you can count on. If you can't, talk to a student from another grade, because I only started talking to the S6s this year, and some of them are really cool and great to talk to. Especially other students in clubs you really like, because then you know you share the same interests and get to see them often.
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How do I get started with dating?
First of all, it's important to recognize that dating isn’t something you have to do - everyone has a different definition of relationships and different preferences as to which kind(s) they find the most fulfilling. The second most important thing to know is that dating isn’t about seeing how “far” you can get with a person, it’s about spending time with someone who you love to be around. And sometimes you want to express that physically! But never do anything you feel uncomfortable with, because in the future you might regret it, even if you think you won’t in the moment.
Now, to get started with dating the most important thing is communication. If you like someone, talk to them. In person. Face to face. This can be really scary, especially if you haven't really talked to them in depth before, but I'm guessing if you want to date someone that you like their personality and want to be friends with them too. You don't have to rush into a relationship - if the circumstances are right, take time to get to know them, even if just by hanging out with them in groups of friends. Also, for those of you who this applies to, please don't be afraid to break the societal expectation of the guy being the one who has to ask the girl out. It's ridiculous and annoying and no one will think any less of you if you do. Finally, if you want advice from someone older/more experienced check out these tips. |
Should you have sex in high school? |
What is a hymen? |
Sex is something only you can know you are ready for. Nobody else can tell you if you are or aren’t ready, and when it involves two people, both have to be consenting and sure that they are ready. Many people aren’t comfortable exploring their sexuality until well after high school, but others may feel ready to begin doing so and that’s okay too. When trying to ask if someone else is ready to have sex, it is imperative that you get an absolute “YES” before moving forward. Any other answer is not consent, and neither is pressuring someone else to say yes or someone saying yes while not in the right state of mind or drunk. Sex without consent is rape and is punishable by law. Finally, as always, it is important to stay safe and use protection.
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The hymen is a membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening. Contrary to popular belief, the hymen does not break or “pop” when a person has sex for the first time. Having sex for the first time should not be painful or bloody and nothing should break or tear provided you take proper precautions and start out slow. The idea that there is any physical phenomenon that accompanies the emotional experience of “losing one’s virginity” is a myth. In reality, nothing is “lost” when someone has sex for the first time.
If you want to learn more, check out planned parenthood's tumblr post on the topic. |
How do you get confidence to do things like get up and speak in assemblies? Right now there is no way I would, but there are many S5/S6s who enjoy it…
I felt the exact same way when I was in M3. I'm not a natural public speaker, and although I enjoy it now I still get nervous when I speak at assemblies and in front of other large audiences. Nevertheless, as a generally anxious/introverted person I really like public speaking because it allows me to prepare my thoughts and reach out to lots of people without having to engage in typically forced conversations with individuals who I'm not close to, which can often be tiring and stressful.
For me, a huge part of gaining confidence is practice. The extracurriculars I'm involved in and the classes I take provide me with lots of opportunities to give presentations, and whenever I do so I rehearse as much as possible. But the prospect of public speaking can still be scary. One strategy I've found particularly effective is "forcing" myself to act confidently, a skill that almost anyone can acquire over time. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but people are often less perceptive to how you're feeling than you might expect. Even if I'm internally very nervous, I "pretend" that I'm not by making use of pauses, hand gestures, and intonation - acting, essentially - and eventually my mind goes along.
It's also important to remember that your audience is rooting for you. In lots of cases (e.g. at a UTS assembly) your audience will be comprised of sympathetic, supportive people who will not criticize or judge you if things don't go as planned.
The last point I really want to emphasize is that it's completely okay if you don't possess natural confidence for these things, or don't feel inclined to gain it. In the education system, the workforce, and almost all major institutions of society extroverts are favoured over introverts (I could go into the legitimacy of the extroversion vs introversion dichotomy but that's a different story). In her viral TED talk "The Power of Introverts" Susan Cain describes why this should not be the case:
For me, a huge part of gaining confidence is practice. The extracurriculars I'm involved in and the classes I take provide me with lots of opportunities to give presentations, and whenever I do so I rehearse as much as possible. But the prospect of public speaking can still be scary. One strategy I've found particularly effective is "forcing" myself to act confidently, a skill that almost anyone can acquire over time. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but people are often less perceptive to how you're feeling than you might expect. Even if I'm internally very nervous, I "pretend" that I'm not by making use of pauses, hand gestures, and intonation - acting, essentially - and eventually my mind goes along.
It's also important to remember that your audience is rooting for you. In lots of cases (e.g. at a UTS assembly) your audience will be comprised of sympathetic, supportive people who will not criticize or judge you if things don't go as planned.
The last point I really want to emphasize is that it's completely okay if you don't possess natural confidence for these things, or don't feel inclined to gain it. In the education system, the workforce, and almost all major institutions of society extroverts are favoured over introverts (I could go into the legitimacy of the extroversion vs introversion dichotomy but that's a different story). In her viral TED talk "The Power of Introverts" Susan Cain describes why this should not be the case: